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On Monday, host Piers Morgan used his "Only in America" segment to tell a tale "of two great American deaths."
Comparing a pair of polar opposite lifestyles, the host wondered which path would lead to a later demise.
On one hand, Morgan profiled Doctor Lester Breslow, a man who preached living life by the virtue of seven healthy habits:
"Don't smoke. Drink in moderation. Sleep seven to eight hours a night. Exercise. Eat regular meals. Watch your weight. And eat breakfast."
On the other end of the spectrum, Morgan presented Michael "Flathead" Blanchard, a man with a different perspective, one he recently detailed in his own auto-biographical death notice:
"Weary of reading obituaries noting someone's courageous battle with death, Mike wanted it known that he died as a result of being stubborn, refusing to follow doctors' orders and raising hell for more than six decades. He enjoyed booze, guns, cars and younger women until the day he died. So many of his childhood friends that weren't killed in Vietnam went on to become criminals, prostitutes and/or Democrats. He asks that you stop by his memorial and re-tell the stories he can no longer tell. As the Celebration will contain adult material we respectfully ask that no children under 18 attend."
But which approach wins out in the end?
"They say the stats don't lie," explained Morgan. "Lester Breslow, who himself didn't drink or smoke, exercised regularly, and practiced moderation in all things, died last week at his home in Los Angeles – aged 97. Michael "Flathead" Blanchard, who never stopped drinking, smoking, and doing everything to excess, also died last week, in Denver, Colorado, aged 67."
Only in America, concludes Morgan: I'm confidently expecting myself to live to.....well, at least 68."
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