Hot off the digital press, Piers Morgan's most-recent "Daily Mail" diary is out.
Entitled "'Great date! Good laughs, good chat, good fun, good guy!' tweeted Goldie Hawn. What a gal...,"Morgan uses his portion of the U.K. publication to discuss his date for the recent White House Correspondents’ Dinner, acclaimed actress Goldie Hawn:
"Ms. Hawn has been one of my favourite stars since I was 15 and Private Benjamin came out. Any woman who could actually make a man DIE during sex on their wedding night had to be pretty special. I said ‘Yes’ faster than Usain Bolt would take to cover a millimetre. Tonight, I boarded my limo in Washington DC and headed to Goldie’s hotel, the Four Seasons.
‘Fancy a drink in the bar to calm your nerves?’ I texted en route. She responded instantly. ‘Coming down. Drink. Bar.’ Goldie looked sensational in a shimmering black dress, white fur wrap and a sprinkling of jewels bright enough to light Capitol Hill for the night. ‘Fabulous dress!’ I exclaimed. ‘Dolce & Gabbana,’ she explained. I pulled open my jacket. ‘Ditto.’ We ordered champagne.
‘Now, Piers,’ she said, piercing me with those dazzling blue eyes. ‘Tell me all about YOU.’ For half an hour we chatted about life, politics, Kurt Russell (the other man in her world) and daughters. Goldie’s, of course, is superstar actress Kate Hudson. Mine is Elise Morgan, only five months old but no less of a superstar. ‘You will be the most important man in her life forever,’ she warned. ‘Don’t ever forget that.’"
Upon arriving at the evening's event, Morgan was instantly thrust into the limelight and lifestyle that comes from hanging with Hawn:
"Red carpets normally fill me with horror. But not this time. ‘Let’s go rock them, baby,’ Goldie urged, sliding her arm through mine. Flashbulbs exploded, as did my ego. I now know how Elizabeth Taylor’s seven husbands must have felt in similar situations. You understand it’s not about you, but God, it feels good."
Safely inside the venue, the hob-nobbing with Hawn only continued for our author:
"We sat at our table, slap bang in the middle of a cavernous ballroom teeming with 3,000 guests, 30 yards from where President Obama would be sitting. ‘Should we mingle?’ Goldie asked. ‘Nooooo. Let the mountain come to Muhammad.’ And so it did.
Goldie is ridiculously famous and ridiculously popular. Everyone LOVES her. Woody Harrelson, Colin Powell, Viola Davis, Google chairman Eric Schmidt – all joined the throng paying delighted homage to my golden guest. Elle Macpherson was the only one not happy. ‘He was MY date a few months ago, Goldie,’ she protested. Which is true: we sat together at the Pride of Britain Awards. ‘Jealousy’s a terrible thing, Body – do calm down,’ I insisted.
Just when I thought things couldn’t get better for my own rather jaundiced brand, Eva Longoria came and sat next to us, took my hand and purred, ‘Piers, I loved our last interview. Can we do it again soon?’ ‘He is great, isn’t he?’ agreed Goldie, adding her hand to the pile. ‘I loved mine too.’ I have no idea what heaven’s like, or indeed if I’ll ever get there, but if I do, I reckon it’ll resemble something like this."
For more of Morgan's musings, and to learn additional details from his night in the the nation's capital, read the entire diary here.