Hot off the digital press, Piers Morgan's newest "Daily Mail" diary entry is out.
Entitled "Let's do a photo of us together and tweet it... 'Are you SERIOUS?' asked Eva Longoria," the "Piers Morgan Tonight" host uses his Britain-based byline to detail his attendance at a pair of recent high-brown events held on his home turf.
A week ago, Piers attended "The Glamour Awards," an event celebrating the best and beautiful:
"Glamour magazine’s brilliantly mischievous editor Jo Elvin takes over the garden inside London’s Berkeley Square, with a giant marquee, and invites all the best-looking people in show business to turn up and flaunt their aesthetic wares," Piers described.
After hustling down the red carpet to avoid being caught by the cameras, Piers bumped into a beauty worth of the shutterbugs:
"I hit a wall of noise. Yes, Amanda Holden was in full cackle mode, talking to a TV crew. If you’ve never heard Amanda’s cackle live, I can only liken it to the sound Barbara Windsor made laughing in the Carry On films fused with Julia Roberts’ explosion of hilarity in "Pretty Woman": a cacophonic orgy of wild, uncontrolled, high-octane shrieking. ‘Calm it down, please!’ I commanded. Amanda swiveled urgently, took one look at me, screamed ‘DARLING!!!’ even louder, bear-hugged me to within an inch of my life, then peppered my face with kisses. Unfortunately, leaving me with imprinted lipstick marks all over my mouth, nose and cheeks that made it look as though I’d sucked on a ketchup sachet. I walked with her into the main reception, to be hit by a phalanx of more photographers. ‘Get this lipstick off me now,’ I hissed to my bemused wife, Celia. But as she began to try, the snappers pounced again. ‘Who’s been a naughty boy then?’ cried one. ‘It’s Amanda Holden’s,’ I explained, unhelpfully."
But Holden wasn't the only hottie with whom he hob-nobbled. After rubbing elbows with his country-mate, Morgan noted a trio of "superstar Latinas" – Jessica Alba, Eva Longoria, and Sofia Vergara – and instinctively determined it was Twitter time:
I walked over to them, crouched down between them, and said: ‘Right, ladies, here’s what’s going to happen. We’re going to do a nice photo together, then all three of you are going to tweet it at the same time.’ ‘Why would we do that?’ asked Jessica, suspiciously. ‘Purely to enhance my brand,’ I explained. The three of them looked at me for several long seconds before bursting out laughing. ‘Are you SERIOUS?’ said Eva. ‘Deadly,’ I responded. ‘OK, let’s go!’ squealed Sofia, with surprisingly keen excitement.
A with that, Morgan's "brand" was enhanced:
"Within a few minutes, the Latinas’ tweets were reverberating around the planet and my own Twitter feed erupted into an almost constant stream of variants on the ‘Morgan, you jammy b******!’ theme."
Eva Longoria (@EvaLongoria) May 29, 2012
Jessica Alba (@jessicaalba) May 29, 2012
Sofia Vergara (@SofiaVergara) May 29, 2012
Just days after the visiting with the kings and queens of music and movies, Morgan was tasked with covering royalty of a different realm altogether:
"A few weeks ago, I was asked to anchor CNN’s global coverage of the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee and jumped at the chance. Who could not want to be in London to report on this unique, extraordinary celebration of our great monarch’s reign? But I arrived at Tower Bridge, our location for the 1,000-boat river pageant, to find a slight problem – that my delightful co-anchor, Brooke Baldwin, had eaten a dodgy oyster and was suffering from wretched food poisoning. ‘I’ll be fine,’ she insisted, nibbling delicately on a Ritz cracker. Half an hour into the broadcast, the rain swept in and began lashing our backs (we were only partly covered). Within an hour, we were sitting in pools of cold water, our clothes soaked through. These were the most shocking conditions I’d ever tried to film in and Brooke began to deteriorate. ‘You OK?’ I asked during one break. She was white and shaking like a leaf. ‘Not really.’"
Baldwin would need medical assistance, ultimately leaving the event via ambulance. She did recover, however, powering through the weekend, and re-joining Piers later in the week:
"'See,’ I said, when we met up again for Tuesday’s parade. ‘I told you it would be a memorable occasion…’ As for the Jubilee itself, what a wonderful four-day celebration it was. Britain at its very best. I felt very proud."
For more of Morgan's musings, and to learn additional details of his English escapades, read the entire diary here.